Good Questions

September 12, 2003 at 5:45 pm — Leading — Tags:

Last week at Consultants’ Camp, several friends reminded me that I have a reputation for asking good questions. One of my friends, James Bach, asked me, “How do you do that? How do you decide what questions to ask?”

Good question!

I didn’t know how to answer James’s question. I’m still thinking about it. And as I think about it, I’m starting to answer a related question: What makes a good question good? Here are some of my thoughts.

I don’t immediately know how to answer the question. When James asked how I decide what questions to ask, my first thought was, “Huh. How do I decide what questions to ask?” I have a hunch that I had a blank look on my face (one of the telltale signs of a good question).

The question asks me to think about things I haven’t thought about before. Though lots of people have told me that I ask good questions, I’ve never explored what makes a good question good. The moment James asked his question, it seemed like such an obviously good idea. How is it that I’ve never thought about that?

It’s okay that I don’t know how to answer the question. It’s easy ask embarrassing questions that point out people’s ignorance. I didn’t feel threatened or embarrassed by James’s question. Why not? Maybe I simply wasn’t embarrassed by my “ignorance” about how I ask my questions. Or maybe there was something about the way James phrased the question that made it non-threatening. Or maybe I’ve learned, in my long friendship with James, that he cares about me. Maybe all of those things. I’m often able to ask very challenging questions in a way that leaves people feeling safe. I’m not sure how I do that, but I think it’s important. I’ll want to explore that further.

I want to answer the question. If I knew what makes my questions so good, I might be able to ask even better ones, or to ask good questions more often. Or maybe I could learn additional ways to get the same good results that I now get only through questions.

The question gives hope. Though I didn’t know how to answer James’s question, I knew immediately that if I think about it, I’ll learn some very useful stuff. The question gave me hope that I didn’t know I needed.

The question shows compassion and respect. James asked his question because he wanted to learn how to do something that I do well. I suspect that every good question shows compassion and respect.

I still don’t know how I decide to ask the good questions I ask, but I’ll bet it starts with me feeling compassion and respect, and wanting to offer hope.

Experiment: For the next week, notice questions that you and others ask. Which questions did you think of as good questions? As great questions? Which questions seemed less than good? What is it about the great questions that makes them great? What makes a poor question poor?

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4 Comments »

Comment by Dave Hoover — September 13, 2003 at 3:54 am

I’m supposed to know how to ask good questions. I studied questions for two years as a family-therapist-in-training. While I know the book definition of a good question, coming up with them at the right moment is an ability I’m still developing.

You’ve hit on some of the keys: a deep respect for the person you are questioning and an invitation to reflect (a la the blank face).

A few other aspects of good questioning that I strive for: a posture of genuine curiosity, questions without a “correct” answer, and similarly, questions that could be answered in many ways.

Comment by Dave Hoover — September 16, 2003 at 8:56 pm

Another attribute of a good question came to mind…

A good question should walk the line between ordinary and bizarre. A good question should be unusual.

Comment by Dale — September 16, 2003 at 11:28 pm

Thanks for your comments, Dave.

I was listening to the abridged CD version of Daniel Goleman’s
Primal Leadership
 in the car today. He said that for an executives to learn something really new, they need learning experiences that are both relevant and framebreaking. To be relevant, the experiences must be sufficiently familiar. To be framebreaking, they must be sufficiently unfamiliar. Goleman cites a colleague who says that to provide learning experiences, you have to constantly manage your PWI — your “Perceived Weirdness Index”.

If I combine your thoughts and Goleman’s, I find another quality of good questions: A good question provides a learning experience.

By the way, thank you again for recommending the book
Narrative Therapy. It’s a great source of ideas about asking good questions. I’ll review it here one of these days.

Comment by Luke — September 19, 2003 at 2:31 am

I’ve thought before that knowing the answers to questions is a sign of intelligence; knowing which questions to ask is a sign of wisdom.

That said, doesn’t the question of whether your question was good or not (if you see what I mean) depend on your goal? As a coach, your goal is to help others learn and grow, hence good questions are those that help others learn and grow. A cross-examiner might define a good question as one that the witness wasn’t prepared for, or one where the answer reveals more than their opponents wanted. A researcher might define a good question as one that opens up new avenues of research and suggests new possibilities (reveals new problems).

This still doesn’t answer the question of how to ask good questions …

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