http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/ about leading software development Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:02:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-337 Jeffrey Fredrick Fri, 29 May 2009 22:10:28 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-337 Depends. What are you gonna do about it if you don't get what you're asking for? Depends. What are you gonna do about it if you don’t get what you’re asking for?

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-336 David Chilcott Fri, 29 May 2009 20:36:38 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-336 I think one needs to make the distinction between requests and demands when asking. You can distinguish between the two by what happens (how you feel) when you or someone else says "No." Receiving or making a request has a quality of greater ease or spaciousness. A demand feels more tense or charged. Awareness and connection with the underlying need(s) behind the asking also participate in the equation. I enjoy the way that NVC (Non-Violent Communication) thinks about this stuff. I think one needs to make the distinction between requests and demands when asking. You can distinguish between the two by what happens (how you feel) when you or someone else says “No.” Receiving or making a request has a quality of greater ease or spaciousness. A demand feels more tense or charged. Awareness and connection with the underlying need(s) behind the asking also participate in the equation. I enjoy the way that NVC (Non-Violent Communication) thinks about this stuff.

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-335 Steve Smith Fri, 29 May 2009 20:22:41 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-335 Good question, Dale. I like it. The answer to "How do you feel about feeling that way?" may yield additional, and perhaps more relevant, information. Good question, Dale. I like it. The answer to “How do you feel about feeling that way?” may yield additional, and perhaps more relevant, information.

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-334 Kay Pentecost Fri, 29 May 2009 20:11:10 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-334 Well... I think it depends. If I ask you to get off my foot, and you don't, anger might provide enough energy to push you off... as for other things, I think it depends on how much you want other people to control your life. Well… I think it depends. If I ask you to get off my foot, and you don’t, anger might provide enough energy to push you off… as for other things, I think it depends on how much you want other people to control your life.

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-333 Lisa Crispin Fri, 29 May 2009 16:44:54 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-333 I like examples, so here's one. Only you responded to my email about the testing subconf. program. I feel disappointed, frustrated, self-righteous, and also, not all that bothered because really, I can only suggest things but can't control anyone. (but if I COULD control the world things would be different!) :-> I like examples, so here’s one. Only you responded to my email about the testing subconf. program. I feel disappointed, frustrated, self-righteous, and also, not all that bothered because really, I can only suggest things but can’t control anyone. (but if I COULD control the world things would be different!) :->

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-332 Dale Fri, 29 May 2009 16:09:49 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-332 ... or to ask out loud. Or to ask differently. Or to do something other than asking, or in addition to asking... or ... … or to ask out loud. Or to ask differently. Or to do something other than asking, or in addition to asking… or …

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-331 Jenipurr Fri, 29 May 2009 16:06:52 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-331 this is why eventually you just learn not to ask anymore. this is why eventually you just learn not to ask anymore.

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-330 Dale Fri, 29 May 2009 15:04:30 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-330 I think so, in some way. The nature and intensity of the bad feeling gives clues about the nature of "too much." Do you feel disappointed? A little sad? Frustrated? Enraged? Humiliated? Betrayed? Self righteous? I think so, in some way. The nature and intensity of the bad feeling gives clues about the nature of “too much.” Do you feel disappointed? A little sad? Frustrated? Enraged? Humiliated? Betrayed? Self righteous?

]]> http://cwd.dhemery.com/2009/05/too-much/#comment-329 Lisa Crispin Fri, 29 May 2009 14:43:34 +0000 http://cwd.dhemery.com/?p=384#comment-329 So if I feel bad that I didn't get what I asked, did I ask too much, or not? So if I feel bad that I didn’t get what I asked, did I ask too much, or not?

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