Often when I write about resistance, I struggle to find the right word for the change agent’s action, the action people are resisting when they resist. Would-be change agents offer advice, requests, demands, mandates, proposals, and lots of other… what? What is the category that encompasses all of these offers?

I haven’t yet found that single category. Last night, after several hours of late-night etymological research, I arrived at two categories: proposals and requests. People can resist change agents’ proposals, and they can resist change agents’ requests.

The common element of proposals and requests is that each offers a course of action that the listener may take. The main distinction between the two is the intended beneficiary of the course of action. The intent of a proposal is to benefit the listener. Though the proposer may also intend the proposal to benefit the proposer and others, the defining characteristic of a proposal (a sincere proposal, at least) is that it is offered for the benefit of the listener. The intent of a request is to benefit the requester. Though the requester may also intend the request to benefit the listener and others, the defining characteristic of a request is that it is issued for the benefit of the requester.

I’d love to find a useful, single word that encompasses both requests and proposals. If there is such a word, the key is in what’s common between requests and proposals: each offers a course of action that the listener may take. Is there a good, evocative word for that?

The word offer is a step in the right direction. Dictionary.com defines offer as “to present for acceptance or rejection; proffer.” This definition is more general than I’m looking for — it doesn’t evoke the key idea of a course of action. What’s the word for “offer a course of action?”

I’m starting to think that the right word is proposal, and that a request is a kind of proposal. If that’s right, then the distinction that I drew above isn’t quite right. I may need to drop intended to benefit the listener as an essential characteristic of a proposal. A proposal is a proposal as long as it presents a course of action for acceptance or rejection, regardless of whose interests the proposer intends to serve.

Alas, I’m now mired in The Definition Game. Regardless of what words we use, the nature of our offers is important to our success as change agents. Whose interests are we serving by offering the courses of action we offer? What forms can our offers take? In what sort of relationship would each form be appropriate? What does the form of our offers imply about our view of our relationships with our listeners?

But I still want a word. Is proposal the best word, or is there a better one?

Experiment: In what situations are requests appropriate? In what situations are proposals appropriate?

Experiment: What different kinds of proposals can you think of? What distinguishes each kind of proposal from the others? What would have to be true in a relationship in order for the listener deem each kind of proposal to be appropriate?

Experiment: What different kinds of requests can you think of? What distinguishes each kind of request from the others? What would have to be true in a relationship in order for the listener deem each kind of request to be appropriate?

A mailing list in which I participate is discussing empowerment. As usually happens in discussions of empowerment, several people claimed that it is impossible for one person to empower another, that all you can do is to disempower them, to prevent them from using the power they have.

I believe it is possible for one person to empower another. In my mind, to empower a person means to connect the person with a source of power.

What do I mean by power?
Power is the ability to create value. Yes, I know there are other kinds of power, such as the ability to destroy, whether intentionally or — as in the famous (and untrue) story of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow — inadvertently. But when we talk about empowerment, we are almost always talking about the power to do something positive.

Given those definitions, you can empower people by connecting them with sources of ability to create value.

For an example what I mean by empowerment, see this story about how I worked with Susan, the HR Director at a large company, to resolve resistance. I believe that I empowered Susan. I connected her with a source of power, with a source of ability to create value: her ability to listen with empathy. Now, Susan already had that ability, and plenty of it. But, for some reason, she had not been using her considerable ability. She had not yet recognized that listening with empathy could be a source of great power as she interacted with the “resisters.” I simply reminded her of the power that she already had. She knew what to do from there, and she succeeded spectacularly. My questions connected Susan to her own power. My questions empowered her.

Now, suppose that Susan, upon hearing my questions, had said, “Dale, that’s nuts,” and walked away. Would my questions still have been empowering? Is it empowering to offer a source of power, even if the person chooses not to use it? I don’t think so. That sets the bar too low. If Susan had chosen not to use her considerable empathy, or if she had listened with empathy, and yet had seen no valuable results, who’s to say that that “source of power” had any power in it at all? The true mark of empowerment is the value that people create with the sources of power they are offered.

Perhaps the people who claim that it is impossible for one person to empower another define empower differently than I do. According to the usage notes at dictionary.com, empower originally had a very restricted meaning: “to invest with authority, authorize.” That kind of empowerment connects people to sources of power that they previously were prevented from accessing. In other words, it simply reverses earlier disempowerment.

Empowerment seems to be a tricky subject. Conversations about empowerment (including this one?) often fizzle without creating much value for anyone. So most of the time, rather than talk about empowerment, I simply do what I can to connect people with sources of power. I especially enjoy interactions like the one with Susan, interactions in which I am able connect people with the abundant power that is already inside them.

Experiment: During the next week, make a list of every source of power that you use. This list is a source of power for you. In the future, when you become stuck, review the list, looking for sources of power that you may have forgotten were available.

Experiment: Review your sources of power. What kinds of sources are abundantly present in your list? What kinds are rare or missing from your list? How could you acquire those kinds of power?

Experiment: During the next week, notice every time that you connect another person to a source of power. What kinds of power do you typically offer? What kinds would you like to offer more often, if only people knew you had them to offer?

I have seen many managers make trouble for themselves by treating their team members’ estimates as commitments. An estimate is not a commitment, and the difference between the two is significant for managers.

The essence of an estimate is expectation.
When you give an estimate, you express your expectations about what will happen. Built into each estimate is an element of uncertainty. If you weren’t uncertain, you would use a word other than “estimate.”

The essence of a commitment is promise.
A commitment is a pledge or promise. When you make a commitment, you declare your intention to create some result, and you invite someone (usually another person, but sometimes yourself) to rely on your intention.

Though commitments always include an element of uncertainty, uncertainty is not a defining element of commitment. Though estimates often include an element of intention, intention is not a defining element of estimates. Estimates are about expectation. Commitments are about intention.

Suppose team member Fred is writing the installation guide for your product. You ask Fred, “What is your estimate for when the installation guide will be ready to go to press?” Fred says, “Two weeks from today.”

If you were to take Fred’s estimate as a commitment, you would create trouble for yourself. How does this create trouble? Two ways. First, it gives you the possibly false impression that Fred intends to deliver the installation guide two weeks from today. Fred may indeed intend to deliver at that time, but he may not. He may be expressing not his intention, but only his best guess.

Second, treating Fred’s estimate as a commitment downplays the uncertainty inherent in his answer. Is Fred highly confident that he will deliver in two weeks? Moderately confident? Barely confident? It’s hard to tell.

If you were to make commitments of your own based on Fred’s answer, you would be promising results that Fred himself has not promised (in his mind), and that Fred may not be confident of delivering. That’s a risky basis on which to make promises.

When Fred says, “Two weeks from today,” is he making a promise, or merely stating his expectations? How confident is he in the date? Answer those questions before you make your own commitments based on Fred’s estimates, and before you ask Fred to “meet his commitment.”

Estimates are not commitments. If you want commitments, don’t ask for estimates. Ask for commitments

Experiment: To determine whether your team members see their estimates as commitments, try this test. The next ten times you ask for estimates, ask also for commitments. How close are the estimates to the commitments?

Experiment: If you think I’m all wet, and you’re sure that when your team members’ give estimates they really are making commitments, try this test. Stop asking for estimates, and from now on ask only for commitments. If you balk at that, perhaps you see estimates and commitments as not quite the same.

Experiment: If you ask Fred, “When will you be done?” have you asked for an estimate or a commitment? What does Fred think you asked for? If Fred says, “Two weeks from today,” has he given an estimate or a commitment? What might happen if you want a commitment and Fred thinks you want an estimate? What might happen if you want an estimate and Fred thinks you want a commitment? How could you make it crystal clear whether you’re asking for an estimate or for a commitment? How could you make it crystal clear whether Fred is giving an estimate or a commitment?

A few weeks ago, Peter Lindberg wrote about maximizing learning on his Tesugen.com weblog:

Learning is important in software projects, so how do we maximize learning? In Tom and Mary Poppendieck’s Lean Development: An Agile Toolkit … they say something about the level of learning in scientific experiments — that it peaks when the success rate is about 50 percent. I don’t remember whether they quoted some study about this, but it sure feels right to me that a balance between success and failure would increase learning. You need some friction.

That caught my attention, because I’d read a related idea the night before, in a classic article that was reprinted in the January 2003 issue of Harvard Business Review. In that article, “Pygmalion in Management,” J. Sterling Livingston says that people’s motivation and productivity are highest when the boss’s expectations are both realistic and achievable. What does Livingston mean by “realistic and achievable?” This:

Research … has demonstrated that the relationship of motivation to expectancy varies in the form of a bell-shaped curve.

The degree of motivation and effort rises until the expectancy of success reaches 50%, then begins to fall even though the expectancy of success continues to increase. No motivation or response is aroused when the goal is perceived as being either virtually certain or virtually impossible to attain.

I’ve heard similar ideas in other places. For example, in
Becoming a Technical Leader
, Jerry Weinberg says:

In order to climb [in skill], you must leave the sure footing, letting go of what you already do well and possibly slipping downward into a ravine. If you never let go of what you already do well, you may continue to make steady progress, but you’ll never get off the plateau. (p 40)

A certain amount of failure, it seems, is necessary for learning, motivation, and productivity. So I’m wondering” In addition to motivation and learning, what other qualities might benefit from failure? What are the implications for us as individuals? As managers? As coaches? As leaders? As agents of change?

Experiment: Are there areas of your work or your life in which you almost always succeed? What do you learn from those successes? How motivated are you in those areas?

Experiment Are there areas in which you almost always fail? What do you learn from those failures? How motivated are you in those areas?

Experiment Are there areas in which you sometimes succeed and sometimes fail? What do you learn from those successes and failures? How motivated are you in those areas?

I had a blast today!

I led a leadership team of 60 wonderful executives and managers through a famous leadership case study called Green Eggs & Ham, developed by leadership guru Dr. Seuss. The case study stars two main characters — a leader named Sam, and another person who I’ll call Herb. In the story, Sam works and works and works to persuade Herb to eat some ham and eggs that are unusually colored.

The story is rich in lessons for leaders, especially on the themes of communication, relationships, and context.

I learned a lot from the leadership team today. We paid a great deal of attention to risk. Some of Sam’s leadership behaviors put Herb and others into increasingly risky environments. As we analyzed one of the interactions (pages 32–35), one of the leadership team’s executives said, “Sure, it looked risky, but everyone ended up okay.” The lesson for me: What feels safe and what feels risky depend a great deal on your point of view.

Another interesting point is that most of the time neither Sam nor the other characters (who are perhaps a little too focused on implementing the leader’s vision) notice when their progress literally goes off the rails. This has two lessons for me: First, am I so busy trying to bring this one last person on board that I am putting my vision at risk? Second, perhaps the people who are reluctant to embrace my vision are able to see dangers that I am not.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There were many more lessons, and lots and lots of laughs. If the leadership team learned as much from each other today as I learned from them, I earned my pay.

I love my job!

Experiment: Buy a half dozen copies of Green Eggs & Ham. Arrange a one-hour meeting for your team. Brainstorm a list of effective leadership values and behaviors. Then work through the case study. Read it out loud, two pages at a time. Take a minute after each pair of pages to talk about what is happening in the story. What leadership qualities is each character exhibiting? What qualities is each failing to exhibit? What are the implications for the leader’s vision? What does Sam finally do differently that helps him achieve his goal? What does all of this have to do with your organization, with your leadership behaviors and abilities, and with the leadership visions you want to create?

Experiment: Similar to the previous exercise, but focus on change and resistance. What does each character want and expect? How well are they communicating? What are the relationships among the characters, and what happens to those relationships throughout the story? How does the context affect each character? How do each characters’ actions affect the context and the other characters? What does Sam finally do differently that helps him achieve his goal? What does all of this have to do with your change efforts?